Time on my hands

I guess posting is what happens when you have so much time on your hands, but like I just told a new friend of mine this morning--some days I don't even know where the time has gone. It's like I get up in the morning, and before I know it the kids are all home from school. Other's it seems like the day goes on forever. The weather here is ugly and gray and rainy. I don't think that really helps my mood. The holidays are always hard because my extended family and friends are all so far away. Usually my mom comes for Christmas, but we decided this year might not be such a great idea, with everything that's going on. Now I suppose I regret that, I could really use my mom right now. It just sort of seems like I'm floating along. I try really hard to not let the kids see any of it, but sometimes it's just really difficult to hide.

Who would have thought getting a divorce could be so emotional, especially when it's me that wants it. I guess maybe the fact that John and I are being really nice to each other, and trying to not step on each other's toes since he's still at the house makes it even more difficult. Hmmm that use to be the way it was with us, we could really talk, and be friends, but that had all disappeared, but suddenly it's back again. I don't really understand it all.

I just keep praying for direction in all of this. I started reading a book that a friend sent me a long time ago, and of course then it was of no interest, but now that's a different story. It's called "A little pot of oil" It's about how when you feel like your running on empty, your suppose to ask God to fill you up and help you out. I feel strange asking God to help me, when there are so many other people that need help and prayers more then me. It's strange how my thinking has changed in some ways, and then others I wonder why I think the way I do. So many questions, and no answers.

Unfortunately I don't even feel like stamping, and I really hate that feeling. It's like my head is saying go stamp it will make you feel better, but then I get down there and can't seem to accomplish anything. Oh how that bothers me!!! Grrrrr

I'm pretty sure there's laundry calling my name, so at least I can say I accomplished something! LOL